i close my eyes, and..pray.

Nov 4, 2016
you are strong, i dont know to laugh or cry.

Love and acceptance is not from within, it wouldn’t work from within. What about those who managed to love themselves? What if those who believe that they are good enough regardless of what others say? Where the hell does that come from? I don’t know how they do it. For one, I can probably find a hard time convincing myself otherwise by my own strength. That makes me feel stupid? Am I relying on God and seeking God for worthiness and validation while others do not need God and at the same time also feel validated and worthy? When people get their own worth from different sources, how can we claim that only one source is true and the right one? Can I assume that those who are ‘strong’ to trust in their own capabilities may have derived enough worth on their own to lose all dependence for God, now and forever? If part of my reason in believing is because I know I am loved and accepted by God instead of others and I believe that to be a major turning point, then what about those who already feel loved and accepted by their family and friends? I need adoption into Christ family. They, on the other hand, may tasted kinship. How do i compare? Does the kid need to be homeless first to want to belong to a family? What if he didnt like Christ family? A part of me want to say that they are wrong, they are NOT SATISFIED, they have to open their eyes and see the god-shaped hole in their heart. They have to. They got to. I want to appeal to their emotional and spiritual needs. I want to appeal to their ‘suffering’ and ‘unworthiness’. I want to appeal to their vulnerabilities and wounds. I want to appeal to their brokenness and scars. Will they listen? Have they been in the same shoes as I did? Or are they already happy with life? I can tell them to imagine the worst moment of their life when they were alone and helpless and having NO ONE to turn to. Would they understand? Have they tasted loneliness and abandonment? To what extent? Did they go find friends and family and distractions? do people also forget what they are feeling by immersing in the crowd. actually it may not be that, or it may be. having people around do not necessarily bring you comfort. like, you can still feel lonely because of the lack of connection. is loneliness innate? if at my weakest time, maybe if i was shown lots and lots of concern, maybe i would be different now. is that a blessing? but i might not turn to God.. is that a blessing?

Posted at 06:45 pm by mickyfoo

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