Pray. Father, i got my priorities all wrong. my faith in my abilities, my egocentric attitude, my selfish ways. Father, i don't know you, i hardly can claim to know you, for if i do, i wouldn't act the way i did. nothing about me speaks Christ. for Christ to come into my heart, i first have to declare all things wrong. to know what is right is only through you. take captive of all thoughts, to replace thoughts, to change thoughts. Who are they to judge a person by their unfriendliness? If they indeed should judge and critique, then you know how they are like. Father, i see myself as stubborn to act and put on a pretense for other's sake. If i have no part to play in something, why is there a need to be involved and talk to others. i always feel it should be something accepted, the right to be left alone, the right to excuse oneself. make an effort to 'care'. Father, why is it so hard to care? not only for others, but for others towards me as well. like a student cares about her teachers feelings, like a girl cares about her mothers feelings, like a friend caring for another friends feelings. why care?
why would that even matter? True, it doesn't matter, not to me anyway. but to the one who died for all, i disgrace him. Father, i am expecting a lot from others when that shouldn't be the case. but when I pray, i don't tell you the stuff buried inside. I go to church to worship, yet I go with a filled mind full of troubles and worries, unwilling to let them go, unwilling to entrust you with them. Pray and feel better? Pray and don't feel better and blame God? what am i really doing here, pretending to be served by the King. as a prideful person, and God hates that. maybe the person who really portrays he loves God, is one who loves his people as well. the one who people would say.. look at her, she overflows with love. God overflows her heart with love and she is out there spreading it all around.